You are at a moment of despair, of loss, of grief. You are empty, in pain, fear is everywhere and you feel like a little kid with no control. The expectation is to be everything or something but certainly to be a responsible adult in the world. You are at the lowest point in your life and you find yourself on the floor with no hope. The ugly is everywhere, inside and outside of you. The moment you think you can’t stand it anymore you realize you are breathing.
Suddenly, nothing else in the world seems to matter-just your breath. You realize you are actually alive. You begin to notice your breath is connected to you. It’s connected to your body, your mind your soul. It has incredible power and has the ability to move your thoughts in a good direction and you begin to smile. Your body begins to move with intention as it is led by the breaths you take. You begin to feel FREE!
Nice to meet you My name is Ayanna Parrent, Owner and Founder of B FREE Coaching and Consulting, Find Recover Evolve and Enjoy. I am a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker, business owner, dancer, fitness enthusiast, certified yoga teacher, writer, Pound Pro, wife, step mom, foster mom and now adoptive mom and a person in recovery from alcohol addiction.
I was on that floor, on a yoga mat in detox, and treatment centers. I was trying to heal myself from the abuse of chardonnay on my life any way I could, for years. There were many things that happened in my life that were horrific and tragic and talk therapy wasn’t helping. (Hence the Chardonnay) I could move, I could dance, I could teach I could do my job as a social worker but I couldn’t be silent. I couldn’t find peace, my mind was a train wreck. Why would anyone want to be silent with their own thoughts? Every time I tried to do yoga I felt a panick attack coming on. It was too slow, I walked out of almost every class. I found myself in a rehab facility and there was a mat. What was I so afraid of? Freaking out? I was in rehab, everyone was freaking out! It was just fear: False Evidence Appearing Real. So I did yoga. I did it all the time. I prayed, I moved, I was silent, I visualized myself as who I wanted to be not who I thought I was. I told myself I was loved. I let go of my past on my god damn yoga mat.
When I got out I was determined to share what I had learned to help others and B FREE came alive. I was at home stressing about what on earth I was going to do with my life next and started to meditate. Through the tears once again of fear, I began to see light. I pictured my office, I could see myself talking to treatment facilities, people in jails, coaching anyone who wanted to heal in a different way and spreading the message of hope that I had finally found for myself. I knew I wanted people to feel free but in order to do that they needed to FIND themselves, RECOVER from what was hurting them, EVOLVE into who they wanted to become and ENJOY the hell out of it!
I wanted to help people in a different way as we know, the issues that we are trying to heal are in our actual tissues, the fiber of our bodies. We need to move our bodies to realease the pain, the trauma, and the tough emotion once and for all. If you can release the emotion stuck in your body then the intense attachment to the dark plces inside of you begin to loosen and eventually dissolve and go away. Talk therapy doesn’t work anymore as you just repeat the same negative story over and over and that’s what ends up becoming you. Everything I do now is based on movement, meditation, mindfulness and action. I am task oriented. Power oriented. Lets face it, we are all recovering from something. It can be as simple as a transition from a job to a death of a significant other to a debilitating drug addiction. We can all heal and be free with internal control, external supports and breath.
All of our lives matter. You matter. Who you are matters. Truth be told, I am very lucky to be alive today and there is not a day I forget it. May you move about the world with love, intention and grace. May you my friends, B FREE.
7 thoughts on “Let Me Introduce Myself”
Ayanna, wow. Your words are so beautiful and profound. Thank you for sharing what we can all relate to but are often too scared to share. Much love. ❤️
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It is a blessing to be free a day at a time.
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I think you are going about it exactly the right way. 👏👏👏
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Hello my sister! Thank you for connecting with me. Your story parallels mine on many levels.
I would love to come your way and meet up! I tend to visit the Cape monthly, to see family in West Dennis. Do you happen to teach Recovery Yoga?
Enjoy this cozy rainy day!
Hi there! Thanks for contacting me! I would love to meet up! I don’t currently teach a recovery yoga class but will start one the end of April I will keep you posted!